What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 11:47
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
Why do men like to suck another man’s dick?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When she asked me how she looked .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My blog is new. I need 10 article posts for my blog. How much should I pay for it?
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Which movies have the best endings?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it wasn’t much.
She married twice! .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
All the time i was locked up.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Put me off passion for life!!
What symptoms did you notice before being diagnosed with cancer?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
What are the pros and cons of a prospective bride/groom not having any siblings?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Would this be the day?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And i lived it daily.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I waited trembling.
I was scared of men, in general
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is soul school!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were not on the streets..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So, i spoilt her more .
Especially a lifetime of it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
I don,t even have a pension.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
But, we were locked up after school.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
It was going to be , some day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He knew the spot.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She found it foreign!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I think the readers, may guess!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We all went to grammer schools
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She loved him until the end.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.